Why is it that when you make yourself overly available, it’s harder to keep his attention? When you start pulling back a little, THAT’S when he decides to start pursuing you again. Okay, let’s take a step back for a moment.
Being overly available consist of answering his phone calls (or text messages) EVERY time he calls. Basically it gives him the idea that whenever he feels like talking to you or being with you, you’ll be there. I think this can be a great thing if the actions and behaviors are evenly distributed on both ends. But what if one person starts taking advantage of the “system?”
Though my experience in dating is somewhat limited, I have become hip to the way a lot of guys move. I’ve been in plenty of situations (yeah, we’ll call them “situations”) where he became more attentive once I appeared to become “less attentive.” It almost feels like some sort of ridiculous game. Naturally, all you can do is adapt which is why so many of us gay men are so scared to wear our hearts on our sleeves.
I remember the first time I experienced a situation like this. Seven years ago when I was 20 years old, I met a really great guy online. Do any of you guys remember BGC? Don’t judge, it was basically like the Jack’d of the mid-2000’s. He was about four or five years older and we had CRAZY chemistry—or so I thought…
Our situation began with him pursuing me hardcore. I was clearly interested, but I can’t speak for how he received me. In my mind I showed obvious signs of attraction. After a few months I noticed that he had stopped pursuing me as hard as he was in the beginning. The phone calls became less and less. He even stood me up one time we were supposed to hang out!
As soon as I noticed the drift, that’s when I decided to step up and pursue him a bit more. It was almost as if the tables had turned. The only problem was that he wasn’t responding to me in the same way I responded to him in the beginning.
It was clear that his attention had strayed elsewhere so I had to ask myself: WAS I OVERLY AVAILABLE? Did I not have anything else to offer because in HIS mind he had me? Shit, was I boring?
Who knows what really happened, but from that point on throughout my dating life I have experienced (and listened to other people’s situations) that have been extremely similar.
In our generation, do we have too many dating options? It seems like I always bring it back to online dating, but when your dating options are literally at the click of a finger how easy is it to really keep someone’s attention? Have we been so spoiled to the point where we don’t think that we need to do any work to find a date?
I want this post, and ALL of my post, to be somewhat interactive. I want you guys to leave a comment with whatever insight or testimony you may want to share.