SCENARIO #1: A couple weeks ago, my coworker (he’s heterosexual) was telling about this girl he use to “talk to.” He’s always telling me about all his relationship and dating complications that don’t really need to be as complicated as they are—but I digress. He said it wasn’t really an “official relationship” because they never slept together. You heard right; he wasn’t fully invested for the simple fact that they never had SEX.
This made me think about the emphasis that we as a culture place on sex. Some place too much emphasis on sex, while others don’t place enough emphasis on sex. More specifically, the gay community seems to thrive off the idea of mind-blowing penetration and blowjobs as if that’s all we have to offer.
SCENARIO #2: A few years ago, I was off and on talking to this guy. No, we never had sex, but it was an inconsistent situation and I didn’t lust over him enough to take it to that level. One night he brought up the fact that we’ve never had sex. This was during the end of our up and down “situation” around the time when he started becoming more into me than I was into him. Funny how the tables turn…
The reason why he brought up the fact that we’ve never had sex is because he was trying to justify the idea that we’ve never really had anything “official.” See, there goes that word again. Alright then, let’s talk about it. Does sex validate a relationship?
Of course, sex plays a key role into the idea of attraction. Attraction is 50% physical and 50% mental. Before that first social encounter, your sex drive makes an unconscious decision on if you find him attractive or not. In other words, could you picture yourself sleeping with this person? Although some of us are willing to ignore the lack of sexual attraction, not all of us can overlook that. This isn’t necessarily a good or a bad thing, but still keep in mind that anything can be taken too far to the point where it may become somewhat…damaging.
Getting back to the actual act of having sex, it may seal the deal after the spiritual connection has already been established, but it shouldn’t necessarily “validate” the chemistry that the two of you share. Think of it as an added bonus, or the cherry on top.
Side-note: If the sex is bad, then just know that anything can be taught. As the two of you grow, the chemistry in the bedroom will grow as well.
If you have the patience and you are willing to dedicate the time to teach him exactly what pleases you sexually (and vise versa), then this taps into that mental bond that you already share while it also continues to make the bond stronger. In this scenario, the connection was already validated before act of having sex even came into play.
Okay, let me bring this home for you really quick…
Remember back in your single days when you randomly hooked up with that guy you met at the bar who, by the way, never bothered to call or text you after the deed was done? I’m sure that sexual encounter didn’t validate much, now did it?
Sex doesn’t validate a damn thing!