Did We Have Nothing?

All In My Head

So this blog post is going to be a bit personal for me because I feel like this song basically sums up how my love life has gone up to this point. That’s probably why I listen to it about 10 times a day lol! No but seriously–I just wish guys would be a bit more straight forward.

I remember the first time I met a guy who I had a really strong connection with. It was January 2008, I was 19 years old about to turn 20 in a month. He was 24 which seemed like such a big difference to me at the time haha. I just moved back home to Maryland after living in Florida for 6 months. Don’t laugh at how we met–we met on BGC. Whatever!..Don’t act like you haven’t been there lol. For those who may not know, BGC (also known as Black, Gay Chat) was and still is an online dating service catered to gay men of color. Its not as popular as it once was, but it was like the “Jack’d” of its time.

Anyways, we met on BGC and we went back and forth online for a few weeks. Initially, I didn’t pay him any mind mainly because he didn’t even have a damn profile picture up! I use to mess with him and call him Casper lol. I think he was intrigued by my sarcasm which I use to lay on thick. It was funny because the more we chatted the more I liked the vibe I was getting. But still, at this point we haven’t even spoken on the phone.

Jumping ahead, we eventually exchanged numbers. I vividly remember the very first time he called me. Mainly because I was so caught off guard by the phone call. I was at a car show in D.C. with my dad actually when he called. I remember him having a nice, deep, sexy voice which won me over even more than before.

From there, we talked on the phone every other night with good morning text and good morning phone calls every so often. Keep in mind, dating was still so new for me at 20 so this was EXCITING! The more we talked, the more connected we became. We had some of the BEST conversations.

A couple months later, we met! We met up on route one not too far from College Park in the Dunkin Donuts Parking lot LOL. And yes, Casper was my first kiss–and probably one of my best ;). Things were going pretty good for about a year, but then I started noticing a change. The phone calls stopped, he started ignoring my text messages, standing me up…blah blah blah, you know how it goes.

The last time I spoke to him was through a text message in August 2009 ( I have a good memory right). I eventually decided to let it go because I found myself going out of my way to communicate with him while he stopped putting in the effort. It drove me CRAZY because he was the one who pursued me initially. I mean he was really putting in WORK, because he was interested which I liked. Fast forward to now, I’m the one putting in work just to get him to answer the damn phone when I call! Smdh

He never contacted me again and that was that. I still don’t know what went wrong to this day. This was the first time I really got my feelings hurt in the world of dating. Honestly, it took me a couple years to get over him. That’s a long time right. Although we weren’t in a serious, hardcore, committed relationship WE HAD A CONNECTION!..and a connection FOR ME is hard to find. So with that situation I was left asking myself “was it real or was it all in my head?”

Has someone you were dating ever cut you off all of a sudden with no explanation?

Do you think sometimes we see relationships different from the ones we’re dating?

Do we not always know how to tell people that we’re no longer interested?


03-29-14 | 3:30 a.m.

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