My coming out experience was horrible. It started out as a gradual process, but then I was eventually “kicked out.” It was my fault mainly because I wasn’t covering my tracks. HOWEVER, I will say that I believe everything happens for a reason and there was good that eventually “came out” of the situation—no pun intended. Let me start from the beginning.
I pretty much always knew since nursery school that I was attracted to the same sex. Of course, I didn’t completely UNDERSTAND everything about my sexuality as a child, but I did understand that I felt a difference between myself and other little boys. Naturally as you grow you start to gain a better understanding of what’s considered “socially acceptable” in the society in which we live.
When I got to the point where I realized that being attracted to the same sex or being “gay” was frowned upon, I knew that I had to change these feelings that felt so natural for me. But how could I change what was a part of my human nature?
In elementary and middle school I use to try to “pray the gay away.” Smh—I’m sure a lot of you have been there. I use to set deadlines for myself to turn heterosexual. I figured once I hit puberty in High School, I would magically start being attracted to the opposite sex. Puberty came–and here I am still attracted to guys. Womp Womp lol
“What the hell is wrong with me!?”
I even tried to FORCE myself to be attracted to woman. Yeah, according to my Dad I had a few crushes on girls as a teenager. But what he may not understand was that those were fake crushes. The easiest way to cover up being gay is to pretend you’re genuinely interested in an attractive girl; but I knew this wasn’t going to last for long. I mean, I was going to be 16…17…then 18 years old in a few years!
“What will everyone think if I still don’t have a girlfriend during these teenage years while all my peers appear to be living the lives that their parents expected them to live?”
04-01-14 | 1:28 a.m.