Another 4th of July with No Real Fireworks

Another year has passed, and still no fireworks in my love life. Dating in the gay community seems so damn difficult. I thought I was the only one having that problem until I started reading blogs like Inside Jamari Fox. Do we have too many unrealistic qualities that we look for in other gay men while dating?

For instance, a large percentage of gay men (black gay men from my experience) look for a gay man who is naturally masculine. A Facebook friend of mine recently asked an interesting question on his page:

“If you found a guy that was perfect for you in every way, but was FEM, would you still date him?”

The majority of the answers basically went a little something like this; HELL NO!

Thinking in extreme case scenarios, I’m personally not attracted to men who are feminine. I never have been for as long as I can remember. This is not an attack on men who are feminine at all, so don’t take it the wrong way. I’ll pick up the smallest feminine mannerism by him and instantly be turned off. Having gone to a number of gay bars, clubs, and events, I rarely see gay men who don’t exhibit these characteristics. So again, is this asking for too much while dating and being a black, gay, man?

Here’s another one. Let’s be real; we are all men and men are known for being visual. We all fantasize about a sexy, lean, muscular body lying next to us at night with a super handsome face to match. 

For myself, the guys who match this criteria are never the ones who seem to be interested in me. So here we are again with the lingering question.

 Do we as gay men ask for too much? Am I just as superficial as everyone else?

Having a strong mental connection with someone is number one on the list when looking for a partner. However, sexual attraction is equally as important. Why would any of us want to be with someone who we don’t want to sleep with? If I don’t see there being any fireworks in the bedroom with that individual, then I’m wasting my time. I’ve tried to overlook these standards plenty times in the past and I was always proven right in the long run.

Although this may be another lonely 4th of July for some of you, don’t let it get you down. Take this day to enjoy the fireworks, enjoy your family and friends at cookouts, and most importantly—ENJOY YOURSELF!

I want you all to make a list of qualities you look for in a mate and ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. Then make another list of qualities that you possess and see if the two balance out.

 Happy Independence Day!

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